At 59, I Found Love Online Despite My Fear of Flying

Kev’s smile and his eyes caught my attention first. By September 2023 I had been divorced for about a year, and at 59 I found myself thinking that surely there was a little bit more love I could give in my life. I knew perfectly well that not many people find romance organically these days, so I gave Bumble a go. The dates were pretty average and I decided the app was not for me, but before giving up entirely I took one last shot at it.

His profile said travel was really important to him, which gave me a laugh, because I have huge anxiety issues around holidaying of any sort. We exchanged a few texts and arranged to meet. Nothing fancy, just a few drinks at a bar in a bayside suburb of Melbourne.

It was all very easy between us, so about half an hour in, not wanting to waste our time, I made a few disclosures. First, I told him that as a divorcee twice over, I clearly was not very good at relationships. He surprised me by saying we were on par there. Then I explained my pathological fear of flying, and that I would not be a great travel buddy.

I fully expected him to skol his beer and wish me well. Instead, he asked lots of questions about my anxiety and listened intently before saying: “Well, you don’t need to get on a plane to experience Australia!” I thought that was so nice of him, and a little spark lit up in me. If he was willing to compromise on something so important to him, maybe this could go somewhere.

We caught up the next week, and then he returned home to Newcastle. We stayed in touch, and I started to realise you really can learn a lot about a person over the phone. He had a great sense of humour and we were getting along so well, but about six weeks later he told me he did not think a long-distance relationship could work. I was sad, but I wished him all the best and left the door open for him to reach out if he was ever back in Melbourne.

It felt brazen, but a few weeks later I sent him a text. He replied immediately and said he would love to catch up while visiting family for Christmas. When he arrived at my door on Boxing Day, his smile had me swooning. We talked and laughed and the chemistry was palpable. We met again the next day, and thinking it would be the last I would see of him, I wrote him a card thanking him for giving me hope and saying that had circumstances been different, I would have given a relationship between us 100%.

By New Year’s Eve he had messaged to say he missed me. A few weeks later he came back to Melbourne, where we both now live, and we went on our first road trip together.

Three and a half years on, Kev has never put pressure on me to fly. Instead he has helped me by letting me be, and by warming me up for bigger and bigger jaunts. It is all still totally anxiety-inducing for me, but it gets a little easier every time because he is there encouraging me. I am sure he thinks I am completely neurotic, but he never lets on. He makes considerations for the most problematic triggers, like elevators or staying up high in hotels, while helping me extend myself and see places I never would have without him. We have just returned from Jervis Bay, and a trip to Canberra.

I have never been in a relationship with anyone who could help me through my anxiety. I always felt very alone in those experiences, but Kev’s way of dealing with it is a balm. Not only does it show me that he is willing to accept me as I am, but he shows such compassion and patience that it reduces the anxiety itself.

I do not think I will ever get on a plane, but Kev’s gentle, flexible attitude to my anxieties has helped me spread my wings. We plan to set off to central Australia in 2027.